Auguest 13, goes down in the baby books.

My baby has a tooth. My baby has a tooth. My baby has a tooth.

God. This does pass quickly!

Photodocumentation to follow. As soon as I can pry her mouth open long enough to get my honking camera in there and get a picture. Lets not kid ourselves, I will take twelve. And then switch angles to get twelve more.

But seriously, my kid has a freaking tooth. She grew it herself, chewed and chewed until it finally came up. She did that! And now… now she gets to do it all over again and again.

__

We’re off to one of the three weddings we got invited to this Saturday (seriously, popular day considering its not even a long weekend).

Until then.

A couple changes

There are going to be a couple of things changing in the next little while, the first, maybe you noticed, maybe you didnt, is the header. Its no longer ‘Life is Just a chance to grow a soul’. I named the site that when I first started it, over a year ago, because I wanted to write kind of an online journal for Madelyn. But its obviously changed quite a bit since then. I started blogging more about myself and our daily life, than just her, or for her.

So its now called ‘Like the Reef’… which maybe is weird to you? I had a myspace, and a livejournal  before this, both with that name. The reason?

My name is Coral.
Carol?
No, Coral, you know like the reef.

Times a million, for how many times Ive had THAT conversation.

So this is the blogs new name.

Second, the actual address, will soon be likethereef.com. Soon.  I guess, as soon as I can justify spending money on a domain for a blog that obviously makes me no money.
Soon. Hold your horses on that one, I will let you know.

Little Voice

I spent the afternoon over at my mom’s new place. I love going to my mother’s house for two reasons; one - its impecibally clean, decorated in a calm blue and white and silver just-came-home-from-the-beach-and-threw-it-on-the-walls type theme, and gives me hope for my future, since half my genes lie in her, and two - because she plays with Madelyn ALL. AFTERNOON. LONG. So the moments that I feel like a failure for not picking her up and trucking her around with me all when we’ve already played exersaucer, and tummy time, and practicing sitting up, and peek-a-boo, and look outside at all the flowers, and, and, and (you get the picture), my mom comes and scoops her up and SHE does all the Maddy games. And I sit on the couch. And drink a cup of coffe. And just exist.

Anyways, thats not the point of this blog.

On the way home, to meet my man friend, I was listening to my current lust cd. I have a major heart-on for Sarah Bareilles. Shes like, this syrupy sweet jazz pop that I am totally having a dirty little affair on Radiohead with. Shhh, dont tell.
Anyways, I was vaguely paying attention to the drive home and disappearing into the heartsick ‘Between the Lines’ (track seven). I have this habit, and it means no ill will on my wonderful life, of pretending Im someone else when I am listening to some songs. Losing myself in the lyrics, or the idea behind the song and imaging its me writing this song, singing it *and oh yes, I sing it in my car. Alone* and that some boy done gone and did me wrong.  I make believe Im in a movie. This is the part where our heroine has finally figured it out, and dropped that lousy man she was stuck with for so many years, and  shes driving down the highway in a beat up chevy with the windows all down in like, Alabama or something. And shes so happy to finally be free and looking forward to the begining of my new life, because I love movies with new beginings, and shes singing, and shes laughing. And the music is playing, and everyone in the theatre is feeling warm fuzzies, and so proud of our little heroine learning and growing up all by herself.
And then I heard Madelyn making weird noises from her carseat, pulling me out of my mind-movie. So I turned the music down to see if she was crying, or choking, or God knows. And I start to smile so big I know I look crazy to the man in the Subaru next to me. Because my sweet beautiful baby girl? Shes singing with her raspy little new voice, cooing away happily.

And I found myself wondering what the movie that is playing out right now in her little brain is like.

Summer time and the living’s easy

Well, we made it. Our first summer holidays with le babe, and we have acheived sucess.

We got home late Sunday night and slept in our own beds for the first time in nearly two weeks and it was bliss. I didnt realize just HOW much I love my bed. Prrr.

So, Pemberton? Fucking. Kick. Ass.

I know there have been some iffy reviews about the organization etc, and yes, there were some snaffus. Like, porta potties? Need to be emptied EVERY. DAY. ANd they should grow more grass, to avoid the dust. Which was really only bad on one day, but still, it made my boogers black. Ew.
But there was everything and anything in terms of food to choose from, like even Vegan. Tres yum.
Oh, and the little side issue of the music. Right. I saw so many bands that I have wanted to see for SO LONG. My fucking five month old child saw Tom Petty and NIN. Hello? Thats dope.

What else. Coldplay put on an amazing show, even coming into the crowd for part of it. ( I dont care if you dont like Coldplay, give them credit for being true to form live) Although they didnt play Green Eyes, and because my eyes are green, it is my favorite. The Hip, obviously was amazing. Flaming Lips? They had a giant bubble with a man in it rolling around on the crowd, and teletubbies. I missed most of Wintersleep because N.E.R.D was nearly and hour late and wouldnt get off stage, although, to be honest, I watched them and they were suprizingly good. Im not really a hip hop fan, but both them and Jay Z were really cool to watch, they really get the crowd pumped which is a big part of the appeal of festival shows for me. Interpol was good, but I wasnt blown away like I hoped to be. And we left the Deathcab show half way through, which was kinda lame, but they were just so…. blah. NIN was a band I had ALWAYS wanted to see live, and Im so glad I finally did. And Tom Petty is just Tom Petty, you cant say anything bad about seeing him live, youre a lucky cat if you get to. Although, as Jer’s boss pointed out, he isnt reaching those high notes anymore.

I am really bummed that I didnt get to see Danger Mou5 and but it wasnt worth the crowds for me to venture into the Bacardi Tent for.

But man, Jeremy and I decided that if it was a possibility, we should move to Pemberton.
It was beautiful. Its like, the little town that the big city dreams up. Twenty minutes from Whistler, adorable and full of niche stores. We decided to would grow basil and start up a company called ‘BC Herbs’ and live in the mountains. I mean, look at this…

My favorite moments of the whole weekend?

The crowd singing ‘Lights will guide you home’ in Fix you at the end of Coldplay, but lets face it, Im the girl that cries when something like music intertwines humanity into a chorous of feeling, that shit affects me.

The dude and chick mud wrestling in the giant mudpit that developed IN. FRONT. OF. THE. PORTAPOTTIES. Dudes? That wasnt just mud. Ew.

Madelyn falling asleep so soundly in my arms in the middle of NIN.

Madelyn falling asleep during EVERY headliner, with her little headphoned head drooping on my shoulder.

Having a puff down with Tindy and Katie G amidst the tents and hearing a faint ‘Dont do that where all the security can see you’ from the staff area. Oh, right.

I just totally fucking cranked that chick, man. - Drunk nineteen year old OVER and OVER.

E News talking to us and taking pictures, which were apparently on tv, but we missed it, lame.

The Hip. Just their whole set.

Jer dancing with Mad during N.E.R.D.

Walking right past the lined up portapotties, into the media tents and using clean flush toilets. Ahh.

Leaving every night to go back to our hotel and have a shower.

So yeah, next year? I will go again. And if it continues for years to come, I am happy the Maddy will be able to say she was at the very first one, I thinks thats really cool. In fact, most of the people that passed us, or came up and talked to us told us how awesome it was that we brought her. There was only one girl who, while drunkenly falling over her friend, slurred ‘Oooooh mah Gawd, I cant belief you would bringyerbaaaaaaaaaaby to thisssshow. ‘ I thanked her for her enlightening parenting advice and told her to carry on being seventeen and loving life.  We saw about five other babies (almost all wearing headphones too), and a bunch of kids, but I had expected more. Maybe because we saw so many at Bumbershoot last year. But whatever, I would totally do it again.

Madelyn will grow up with music, around it, and in it. It will be a big part of her life, because it is in bother her fathers and my life.  So yeah, Im happy we took her.

The rest of our holiday we went camping up at Shuswap with Jeremy’s parents and Maddy met her Great Grandparents.  She went swimming in Shuswap Lake for the first time, and we were able to get four generations in a picture, how cliche of us, I know.

Then we journeyed down to Kelowna and visited with my Dad and her lady friend and my new little brother. Madelyn happily test drove all his toys for him, and had her first boat ride.

And then Jeremy and I decided, that yes, Pemberton was awesome, but its Kelowna that we could really see ourselves living. The lake. Prrrrr. So nice, our life could be.

I mean, come one man.

And then got back in the jeep and drove home. We spent a night at Jer’s parents place and drove down to the West End and had Vera Burgers and cupcakes. We watched the Pride parade and walked around Stanley park. And I realized that I could never leave the West Coast. This place is amazing.

Those kids running in the ocean, sand and froth and sun on their skin? I want that for her. I want my daughter to grow up by the ocean. Sure, we can hop in the car and drive to the mountains, and the lakes this province has to offer, we can see concerts and love the places we go. But we are the West Coast. Its in my skin and my blood, this place. And I want that for her.
I want her to grow up experiencing different lifestyles, and knowing that they are all right and good. I want her to see the places where the forest stretches out onto the sand and into the ocean. And I want her to eat sugary cupcakes in the sunshine.

I need a vacation

Beacause you know what? Its midnight. And Madelyn has been up four times since she went to bed. At nine.
This is becoming a nightly thing and its making me wonder, although shes only five months and ‘they’ say no solids until six, if I should bite the bullet and go ahead and start her on cereal or something.
Not to parent via books, but Ive read that shes not filling up enough when that starts.  But those four times shes woken up? Three of them she boobed on. So…. she CANNOT be hungry anymore… can she?!

So this combined with my reccent inability to fall asleep before two am, and her eight am awke up call… Im bagged.

Anyways, yeah, I need a vacation.

Well, that works out, because Im going to get one.

And Im so. freaking. happy.

We are catching the seven am ferry off this rock Thursday morning and running some errands in Vancouver before taking the scenic route up to Pemberton for the first, and highly anticipated, Pemberton Festival. So. Stoked.

I will admit, its a hefty ticket price for the three day event, our tickets were comped by Jers station, but we would have gone regardless. I think its cool that Canada has a big concert festival. Or, at least that its trying to have one. We shall see after this year if it happens annually.

And yes, Mad is coming too. I ordered noise insulators for her. What the what, you say? Noise Insulators. We bought her the white ones. She looks a bit…. whats a pc term for retarded? Anyways, still cute as hell.

See?

And I am SO glad she likes them. Or at least tolerates them… cuz that would blow a large hole in my plan to actually see some of the bands.

So we are looking forward to three glorious, hot, music filled days. And then? Shuswap.

I havent been there since I was a kid, and man, I LOVE lakes. I cant wait to take the devil child swimming. And to see Jer introduce his Grandma to her great grandbaby. Im a sucker for that stuff.

ANd so I bid you adieu.  Fo a week and a half. Ahhhhh.

Well, lets be honest, Im addicted to the interenet (no really, my day is diapers, email, tummy time, blogs, naptime, facebook etc) and there just so happens to be internet access in the media tent, which we are privvy to. So… who knows, maybe I will update.

But I shall leave you with this, the cutest baby Ive ever gestated, thats for true.

Big Baby blues, and

She hates me, she hates me not…?

Thats a question thats been plaguing me. Seriously, for days.
But, before I start, I guess I should set the tone of this post by coming clean.  Jeremy and I… well, we didnt meet in the best way possible. Matter of fact, I still sometimes feels some guilt, maybe unnecessarily, over how we came to be.

I kind of knew who he was, I mean, I do listen to the radio station he happens to be on, but wouldnt have been able to pick him out of a crowd.
I called up his show one day, knowing full well that he was Mr. Music-around-town, asking about a favorite band of mine that was supposed to be playing a show that night. I knew he would be going.
Onwards to that evening, a couple of drinks in with a girlfriend of mine, and I cant take my eyes off of this guy, a geek really, wearing the radest sweatshirt. All night I watched the back of his head. And the girls arm entwined in his, her hand resting nicely on his hip.
Finally I found the courage (or, maybe it was the shove from my friend) and asked him about said shirt, from there it was myspace, and other shows, casual run ins, until one day he bravely asked to hold my hand, sent me the most romantic love emails and asked me when we got to get to all the ‘fun, I love you stuff’.
Beautiful, right? I think so.

But thats not the whole story.

The girl who laced her arm through his? She wasnt just no one. Just a faceless character in the story.  She was someone. She was a girl he was… well… I guess he was seeing her.
You see, he had just ended a very substantial relationship, and was nursing his wounds with a brunette nurse who had also just left someone. But from the night we met, we had eyes glued on eachother. We both wanted to follow through on an ‘us’.
I guess you could say I may have sort of befriended her, but… we werent really friends. We were aquaintances, we ran into eachother, we were on eachothers myspace friends list. But, we never went for coffee, or had a one on one chat.  I didnt know much about her, nor she about me. And, truth be told, I think she knew from the get-go that she had no hold on Jeremy, and that maybe I did.

At the end of a booze filled birthday bash, I think it finally got through, that maybe she was, I hate to use the term but, a rebound to him, and that maybe their time was through. That maybe they had been what the other one needed, a crutch to get through the hurt they felt, until they were ready to move on and up.
So… she stopped coming to shows, and she stopped talking to the both of us. And I felt some guilt for that, because even though they werent a ‘they’… they were a something. Right?

I knew she had some form of resentment for me, because she wasnt in a good and happy place when things happened. But… she moved on, and found happiness, and love, and I was happy for her, even though we werent friends.

So fast forward to last week, a babysitter and a couple of beers, and Jeremy and I head out on the town to see the band that started it all for us.  We had some friends in town and wanted to show them a good time.
Not ten minutes after we arrived however, so did the long lost girl. And I thought, what better time to start anew. And I smiled and tried to say hello to her.
And she looked right through me.

And I realized that maybe she hadnt forgiven and forgotten.  And I felt guilty again.

I felt guilty for ’stealing’ something that wasnt even there. But why?

So my issue for the past few days has been… when does the whole ‘bros before hos’ or ‘chicks before dicks’ mentality end, if ever?
WHen youre fifteen you wouldnt dare date your ex’s friends, and when your nineteen, the thought of dating your friends ex is just wrong, and if you sleep with him, youre a slut.
You stick with your girls, its like, an unspoken rule. But… when does that end?
And really, if you like someone who ’saw’ someone you know, but arent close with, should you stay away?  Youre just doing a disservice to yourself, instead of another girl, arent you? ANd what ever happened to looking out for number one?

When does following your heart come into play? And really, should you ever feel bad for doing so?

The Jar Budget.

SO Jeremy posted a blog about this, and spoke about it on the radio, and I think its garnered a lot of interest, so I decided to blog about it too.

We have inflicted a state of broke on ourselves.

We decided to put our spending and lifestyle on a diet. We have goals, we have plans, and we dont get any closer to them flittering money away on junk.

We are getting married, we have actually picked the date and place. November 10, 2009, Puerto Vallarta. I have ring expectations, no denying that. And bottom line is, the way we spend our money, I dont get my honking rock.

We want Madelyn to have a good upbringing, and dont want to worry about being able to afford things, for her or her future sibling(s).

We want to go places, own a home with a yard, invest in our lives.

Enter: The jar budget.

So, you sit down, maybe with excel, because lets face it, I love me some excel spreadsheets, and you put it all down on paper.

First, your total household income, after the tax man, before ‘life’. You can do it separately, but it was easiest in our situation,  in a two income household, to put ALL the money that comes in, because it saves having to break down ‘mine and yours’.
From that total you subtract what I refer to as you A PAYMENTS. This is the MUST list. YOur mortgage or rent, your hydro bill, cable, internet, phone, life insurance, loans. The bills.

Ok, now after those are all subtracted from your income, you have a new total.
From this total you deduct your B PAYMENTS. THis is the perks list, and it can contain anything you feel you need to have and pay for every month. Ours?  Entertainment, the gym, Baby, Groceries, Clothes/Gifts and Gas.
(Now we can argue that groceries and baby should be on the A payments list, because they are non-negotiable, but in our case it was easier for us to make A payments solely bills - dont worry though, the baby obviously gets diapers and we obviously eat.)

Here’s the key, you take out ALL the B PAYMENTS in cash, divvy it up and store it in the labeled jars.
LIVE. ON. THIS. CASH. ONLY.

(Obviously barring any emergency)

What makes this ‘diet’ work is creating a false sence of ‘broke’. When the money in your entertainment fund is out? Well, no more movies til next month. Tough luck.  You have to be strict.

The beauty? YOu can do it on any income level, and living in a cash only world allows you to build some form of savings. The money left over after all A and B PAYMENTS are out is savings. Its gravy.

In our case its diamond rings. Its vacations. Its debt free living.

Thats our goal. Opperate debt free. And we will. We just have to be frugal now. We set our bar and our goals, and we will get there.

Of course issues may arise, emergencies or WEMUSTHAVETHISNOW’s, and the money will be there, but until that time we have to pretend its not. We HAVE to, or we are constantly swimming in a circle and living paycheque to paycheque.

I think the beauty of this budget is that it CAN be adapted to anyone. You change your jar lables, you change the figures, and you MAKE yourself live within the cash flow.

Maybe the key is getting out of this ‘plastic world’ mindset we all put ourselves in. Its convinient, yes, but is it worth it?

We’ll see.

I cant get no satisfaction.

Yeah… I should be asleep now. But tonight for some reason Maddy-O has decided not to.
Well, thats not entirely true… she is, just very sporadically. And when shes not? Shes screaming.

Actually, she refused to eat before bed tonight, like RE-FUSED, so Jeremy put her down at nine thirty and she ko-ed. Since then she has been up a half dozen times, and inconsoleable.

I thought, ok, maybe shes hungry now, makes sence, right? So I whip up my shirt and plunk her down, because by now? Them boobies are FUUUUUUULL.

But no dice, this actually makes her scream more. My self-esteem is in the toilet, my own child screams at the sight of me topless. SHeesh.

So we walked around. We sang. We looked at the pictures and records on the walls. We looked out the window. She seemed to calm down.

THinking, theres no way Im going to be up again in two hours so she can eat, I tried to feed her again, to no avail. More screaming ensued.

After a few failed attempts to nurse her, or calm her in any way, I got frustrated and laid her down in her crib and walked away. Breather for mom.

So then? Dad comes in, pops a bottle of pumped breastmilk in her mouth, and she happily chows down and now? Sound. Asleep.

AHGAYUTWQ!YGSAUKHQ!@HVYHT^!GA*!!

SERIOUSLY!?

There are no words.

Oh yeah, and the diet? No way man. I lost that battle. So instead? I got my gym membership renewed and happily sweated like a pig this morning. This, I can do.

Blech.

….. I started the cabbage soup diet today. I figured it would be a good cleansing water-weight loss start, so I feel better, and like working out is actually accomplishing something.

Yeah, we started it today… and Im ready to quit already.

I dont think Im the dieting type.

*I will stick it out though…. I will.

Oy, Canada.

Ahh.

Thats a sigh, not a scream. The two have always confused me when written. I never know if Im supposed to be breathing a sigh of relief for whom Im reading, or creeping to the edge of my seat along with them. But fear not, this stat holiday, I sigh.

Its nine thirty, my baby girl is bathed, clean diapered, boobed and in bed. Out. Cold.

Jer is djing down at a local bar tonight. All can-con for the local drunkies downtown for the fireworks. I will not be partaking in the festivities this year. No, not I.

Im home, alone, and couldnt be happier. Dont get me wrong, I am very patriotic. I love my country as much as the next guy, Im just way too comfy on my couch.

I have, in the past, donned canada day deely boppers or fashioned a dress out of a flag and cheerfully shouted patriotically with the masses. But not this year.

I have drank luke warm beer out of plastic cola bottles, shared cigarettes with strangers and peed in (mostly) abandoned parking lots. But not this year.

This year I wandered about with my family in the glorious sunshine this afternoon, bbqued my man and me some dinner, and tucked in my kidlett.

I have had her puke on me this year, no need for a drunk teenager sardined in beside me.  I would rather watch online episodes of Mad Men (my new obsession) instead of this city’s terrible excuse for a fireworks display. Maybe Im getting old, but I just dont feel the urge this year.

So now? Now Ima sit down and read a book and drink a very good cup of coffee.

THAT is my idea of a good time, this year.